Sometimes you have to wonder where your life is headed, personally, now at 27, I feel if you have to ask yourself that question, then there is a problem
The butterfly represents growth and evolution, coming from a different path in life, to spread your wings, and embrace a new destiny
I’m not happy with my life, it mostly consists of listening to my family telling me things that aren’t all that interesting, that’s when they aren’t complaining about something, my older brother always seems to be in a bad mood, when he’s this way, everyone else has to be miserable too, then there’s him an his girlfriend always falling out, my younger brother is in prison, an I have a girl who I haven’t seen in nine years messaging me on facebook, telling me she loves me an has dreams where I’m her boyfriend! Its all tiresome, pointless drama
I just can’t be around it anymore, these days I barely leave the house, I have so much fear inside when I do, I spend most days by myself, binge eating, an smoking like a train, I have no energy to do anything, my thoughts an the voices are usually my only company
I guess its when you reach this stage that you wonder… ‘When did I stop caring’ so much time has past that its just your way of life now
I know it sounds like I’ve just given up, but I’ve come to a point where inside, I just feel defeated, life doesn’t even feel real to me anymore, its like I’m beyond life, I’m on the out side, an I can see life, the world, for what it really is, maybe in another life I could handle it, but the truth is, I can’t handle a life, the responsibility of being alive
Its strange to be alive, to live, when you’re already dead
Just today I was day dreaming of just packing a bag, an vanishing, even wondering would I leave a note, where would I go, what would I do for money, I don’t know, an I didn’t care, sometimes I take for granted what I do have compared to some other poor souls in this world, but even still, its not enough, it never has been, not for me
I wouldn’t feel this way if I had a life that made me happy, my family, an the people in my life may love me, but I’m not needed here, I’m just a part that doesn’t fit, I’ve always felt it, the fear of what if, has always held me back from going on my own journey
In my life now, alcohol, occasionally experimenting with drugs, an indulging in ‘being tylar’ are how I choose to escape from myself, at the same time searching for some identity in this world an a life of my own
There’s no harm in admitting that you can’t deal with the hand you’ve been dealt
You get the voices inside, ‘if its so bad, an you don’t want to live, then just get on with it already’ maybe one day I’ll find my way, I could be at a cross roads, as bad as things are, imagining any type of future is a positive sign
I’m like anyone else, I have my good days, as well as the bad, its about coping, getting through the hard times an coming out the other side, perhaps a little less of a person than you were, but still in one piece
To end this post, i want to share something I read with you, I haven’t fixed it, this is the way it was written, but there is some truth an perhaps insight to be gained in its strange ramble of a persons inner wisdom, its about reading it, an understanding it in your own way ~
Do you know why the sky is blue? Do you know why the flowers have colors? Do you know why the paths reach a certain destiny?
The sky is reflection of the sea. The colour of the flower is the happiness of God. And the destiny is the end or beginning of each human being alive. There is a mystery in everything, which has to be resolved by each one; that is the reason that there is a tomorrow either to begin or to end.
The flower that is been born is like hope, trust and Love. A flower that withers is like the farewell, like disillusionment, even worse, like the death of love. But, somewhat, we all are part of a shared destiny that can be happy or sad and which we will reach as a goal or we will abandon without having taken either a step.
The true life is for the ones who have the courage to live and the life that is not life is for the one who does not surrender to feel and to listen to what his heart wants to say.
The sky is blue for the one who follows his dreams and makes them come true. But the sky will be gray for the one who does not dare to feel even his own heart. For these ones, there will be no sea, no sky, no flower, no smiles, no hope but the destiny coming to an end only. And it will be like the withered flower. There will be no solution. There will be no cure, only the end