am i alone in all this

Sometimes I wonder if my life was created out of gods boredom, some joke to be amusing for as long as I’m alive

Is there such a thing as a past life, was I so bad then, that I’m being punished for it now

I try my best not to drown in my own misery, but sometimes the waters are so deep

Its hard to feel ignored in life, when you’re facing the fight alone, I see people leave the room, change the subject, or not doing a good job at hiding that ‘here we go again’ look

My GP, head in hand looking bored, me holding back tears as he racks his brain as to what to do, not long ago I had told him that I had been saving my meds for an overdose, but now was actually using them to sleep the days away, to which he replied “I’ll make you another prescription, you must be running low”.. Other times laughing in my face, at things I was being serious about

My psychologist, looking at me with a face of stone, a robot in a bleak room, discharging me after an appointment where I could barely think to speak properly, no fault of my own

I also tried life line before, I was so afraid of what I might do, the women after some talking, admitted that her job was tiring, listening to people like me all day, this was part of a conversation where she was trying the old ‘we are friends now’ bit

It leaves me to wonder, does anyone care??.. Now I see a social worker on august 10th, yet again.. Its now been over ten years, many appointments an many meds, should I really be getting worse??


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