is it mental illness jealousy

Funny I find some humour in mental illness, my family must seem like a group of mr men mental illnesses when combined

my brothers are constantly drinking an getting into trouble, they are rewarded with love, sympathy an help! I compare it to my own struggle an I’m screaming inside with a smile on my face

My older brother has a personality disorder, my younger brother has ADHD, no wonder I’m messed up, with the genes we have, said more politely to me by a past psychologist

Me myself, I’ve never been in trouble, I’m sort of a poster child of the care system I guess

They get so much family support, an from the mental health team, when I’m reduced to taking illegally bought diazepam at times, the doctor refuses to give me then, along with a list of concerns, yet my mum gets them every week

Mental illness is not a competition, but I know that their mental illnesses don’t compare to mine, its alcohol that fuels my brothers behaviour

My mum on the other hand, seems to mirror my problems, its only when she quit work 3 years ago that it set in, an I slowly saw her become a clone of me in ways

I admit in a way I’m jealous, but wouldn’t you be?? Do we have to be so destructive as proof of what’s going on, to get the help we need, I guess my outbursts have been more private as to theirs

My brother gets taken out for tea yesterday with lifeline, compared to me, I’m crying in a doctors office, my doctor seems more concerned what my emotions are doing to the blood pressure meter

The problem I know is that I am so complex, while my mum an brothers are so straight forward

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