my mind rebels against me

Can a mental illness cause temporary split personality…

I spend my days with my mind coming up with ideas that I don’t have the energy to go through with, but its like someone else’s ideas

Over the last while, i think I was manic, but I’m not even sure, I drank, took meth, an illegally bought diazepam, got my hair dyed pure blonde, just because I wanted to, its now black again, was in a weird desperate search for someone to give me any kind of love or attention, promising to the kids on the charity ads, that I would be with them soon, an was gona become an aid worker

Planning to move an live with a stranger abroad, who just wanted marriage for a visa

Hated everyone who I knew, an saw them as boring an didn’t care, crying an having a weird feeling that I was missing someone who had left me

I was convinced I had cancer, an that I was going to die soon, an had a plan to run away, just disappear without telling anyone

My thoughts at times bullied me, I begged them to stop, they tortured me, its my mind, so I couldn’t escape

I wanted to cut at myself, but it was more of a calming thought than actually going to do it

I feel like a failure in many ways, I like to think I’m strong, but the truth is I’m not

I feel more stable at the moment, I just wish I was normal, but what is normal, maybe this is me normal, an how I’m meant to be

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