Crazy on the inside

I find my mental illness, sometimes is like a strange haze, a fog that descends an completely traps me in a strange place where i’m almost unaware of the world around me, or anyone else but me an how I’m feeling

Ever changing moods, an the environment swings my emotional state, for everyone I guess, but I’m talking from a mental illness point of view

I find myself with an urge to manipulate those around me, why.. I don’t know, to gain what, I don’t know

I find myself feeling like I’m somehow better than those close to me, trying to portray a certain image to the outside world, though frequently embarrassed by them

This strange psychotic presence lurks around me, wanting to break free, rebel, when in reality I have a guard up, an in public I may just seem like a boy, just there, I am always 100 percent aware of what is going on around me, my mind takes a mental snap, the same for every word I speak, an every movement I make, like living off of a script, sounds tiring, but is effortless like being on auto pilot

Its strange to explain, its almost like the mind, having a mind of its own…

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