like salt to my mental health wound

where do I begin (i actually just did a big sigh there) the family situation at the moment is putting so much stress on me, I’ve found myself feeling more tired this last week than in a long time, its like something fractured, trying to piece itself back together

My older brother is on bail at the moment, an has to live with us now for the next few months, a punishment for yet another one of his drunken nights

I’ve always felt like he is favoured in the family, he has an attitude an so I think people try to please him, as of now my mum picks at me for the same things he does

My mum is always tired from her pills, mostly lying around looking dozy, popping diazepam (which I know she is now addicted to, on top of other pills, which don’t seem to be helping) an complaining

she has been grating on me for months now, but I’ve held my tongue, she’s never wrong in her eyes, an she has to be the centre of attention, I’m also tired of her comparing her mental illness to mine

She suddenly became a christian a few months ago, an is now obsessed with it, I tried going to the prayer meetings, which are run by my uncle, gave it a month, but with each meeting, I became more bored of it, its just not for me

With mum not going out as much, an my older brother being here, it feels like I don’t have time to myself, I stay in my room a lot more now, I can’t bare to be around them more than I have too

My stepdad is like a slave to my mum, she almost has him trained, he’s like a door mat, running after her an the others, he almost never says no, just no back bone what so ever, no life of his own, an never goes anywhere other than work, unless its to run after mum

He annoys me so, with his constant lack of decorum, burping, an clearing his throat, on top of his snoring, which thankfully I don’t hear

I was brought up in a different world, so i’ve never felt like I’ve fitting in with my family

Its coming to the point where I’m ready to leave an begin a life of my own, most people by my age already have, I’m 25, but as I grew up in care, I only moved home at 17, so I’ve only lived at home for 8 years, my illness an fear have held me back, amongst other things

I’m done with the whole family thing, an done with them pushing me to the edge of a deeper depression

I’m not on any tablets at the moment, seroquel are doing me no good, other than helping me to sleep, but with things the way they are, I may ask to be put on something again

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