Mind please leave me alone

My mind likes to make a slave of me, its hard to tell if its because of the mental illness or if its just me doing the damage to myself

I would be happy to go back to how it was any day, when it was minor OCD, having to put the kettle an cup at the same angle an having everything ready to make tea before the kettle boiled, or avoiding cracks on the pavement, only sometimes, or having to drum out a certain tune, I used to find that hard

To now when I can’t watch tv normally, like horror an i think an feel like I’m going to die, I see friendships an love an it makes me emotional an angry, also dealing with nightmares an flashbacks, sometimes of things that haven’t happened, but are as if they have

situations play over in my mind, its like someone telling an showing you things you don’t want to see or hear, you run, but there is no escape from it

past feelings wash over me, a once happy feeling now makes me feel the opposite in that moment, making me feel an overwhelming feeling of lose an hurt

Perhaps, feelings I’ve locked away so much, that now they are beginning to flow over an leak into my life, I may have a certain insight into it, but that helps me none


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