Having a mental illness can make you so self involved, but that’s one of its many ‘delights’
We can’t really imagine anyone else really being like us, we assume everyone else around us is happy, even the town drunk seems to at least know what they want, an be in some sort of routine
Its a rollercoaster of emotions, where even being able to smile is some sort of achievement
Most of us say, ‘I just want to be normal’ but is anyone really normal, even the seemingly happiest person we know can crumble behind closed doors
We are normal in our own way, because what we are going through is our normal, its normal to us, I think what we really mean to say is ‘I want to be better’..
The thing with tablets also, is that they can help bring us to a certain level of what people consider to be normal, but really what they mean is ‘functioning’
Remember being a child, any illness hadn’t yet reared its ugly head, we were innocent an unafraid, the fear of the world hadn’t yet been instilled in us, everything was exciting an had a touch of magic an mystery to it
Its hard to suddenly have all this independence, you are in charge of a whole life, your life, and a body, your body, there are hard things to cope with in life, but being in charge of these things is such a responsibility, an sometimes we can crack under the pressure
Life an living are so different, you get married, it doesn’t work, so you get a divorce, you get a job, it isn’t working, so you quit… You live your life, it gets too much, you get help, it doesn’t help at all so you….
And its at this point, where a lot of us are, I don’t have the answer, because that’s for ourselves to decide, is life more important than living