Wave Of Psychosis, In Suicidal Waters

Lately I’ve been waking up, an walking around in some sort of strange trance, like a delusional suicidal haze that clouds my mind, almost like a strange wave of psychosis

Its like being awake in a dream, I find myself hypnotised by simple things like the wind blowing through the trees

My concentration has completely gone, I’m forgetting things, making mistakes, an tripping over my words when I try to speak, I can hardly think straight to write this post

little things lately are becoming harder to deal with, an I’m constantly having to “find the strength” to do so

Today I had to listen to my brother shout in a bad mood, found out I’m broke an I didn’t even know, I’ve been spending like crazy, I over spent by £13 on my account an now the bank is charging me up too £100, an my renewal form came from dla, which might not seem that bad, normally it wouldn’t be, but with the way I’m feeling now to me its overwhelming, an I don’t have the energy

Also…
Following up on me wanting to be hospitalised: the doctor wants to try me on stronger tablets first, an the old ‘come in for a chat’

To me tablets are only temporary band aids for a bigger problem, an being handed out like candy after the dentist

As for the ‘chat’ … I’ve been going back an forward for chats for months now, what more does he need to know

He’s oblivious to what I’m going through, last time I was in with him, I mentioned about being signed in, to which I got the reply “yeah uhuh uhuh’.. I don’t even think he heard me, or wanted to for that matter…

So I’ll go back to see him, an I hope I’m in the mood to give him a piece of my mind, I have had enough of my problems being swept under the rug!..

~ I’m drowning in a pond of depressive filth, I’m sinking fast an there’s no one around to save me ~

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