Walking Alone In The Darkness

~ Is it wrong to think… “I never asked to be born, I didn’t have a say in this life, shouldn’t that give me the right to decide when I’ve had enough, an when I want to leave” ~

Some people think that if someone is suicidal, they would just get it over with, an wouldn’t keep talking about it, in my case I think its suicidal ideation, I can’t stop thinking about it, An it brings me some relief to do so

We just want to escape from our lives, from ourselves, death sometimes seems the only way out

Years ago I’d self harm, nothing serious, but I think its a waste of time to be honest, it won’t kill you, but leave you scars, just another thing to be self concious of, another thing to hide from the world, an another constant reminder of your pain

So its ironic that people say “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”

I feel like I’m losing a little part of myself each day, swallowed up by the darkness of this depression

The psychologist I was seeing is a complete robot, with the personality of a sponge, who stares at you with a face of stone, an hollow eyes

I’ve asked not to see him anymore, an I am waiting now to see a social worker instead, which is a step down in my opinion, or to be more blunt, all talk an no action, as they can’t even prescribe medication

I haven’t seen the doctor yet since I talked about being signed in, or taken his advice to ‘come in for a chat’ but I can guess what will happen, he’ll most likely try to speed up my appointment with the mental health team, an change my tablets to the exact same thing I’m already taking, only under a different name

as you can tell, I’m no stranger to these situations, so where do I go from here, an where will it leave me yet again?

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