Back To The Doctors: Review

So its been a couple of days since i saw the doctor, I had to go back today to see how I’d coped over the weekend

Not much has changed, I had about a days relief on saturday but by that night an sunday i was back to square one again

Today I’ve been up an down all day, over hyper, an then normal, then depressed, an back up, almost like being tipsy, an then losing your buzz repeatedly

My head feels like there’s 100 voices all talking at once, its so noisy an I just want it to be quiet

I told the doctor, I could feel this evil inside me, an my skin was crawling, I’ve been tempted to self harm an at one point even drink bleach, an I’m beginning to lose my mind slightly

He rang the mental health team to further rush my appointment forward, an gave me more diazepam for the week

I’ll admit I’m a little afraid, its one thing admitting all this to a doctor, an another thing to tell a psychologist, someone with the power to lock you away, it is what I’m leaning toward, but I want it on my own terms

Which makes me wonder how honest I’ll be when the time comes

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5 responses to “Back To The Doctors: Review

  1. Thank you for your honesty. I am sitting here trying to read to quit the noise in my head as well.

    “Today I’ve been up an down all day, over hyper, an then normal, then depressed, an back up, almost like being tipsy, an then losing your buzz repeatedly”

    This is exactly how I’ve felt all day and couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I’m glad I found your blog and look forward to reading more.

    Elizabeth

    • Hi thank you for taking time to comment, I felt so alone in all this, its like my mind was filled with words that needed an escape, everyone around me seem to be becoming bored to it all

      I’m glad you can relate to me, its for these reasons I started this blog, to help myself and hopefully others

  2. As hard as it is, try to be honest with your psychologist. If by telling them everything that’s going on, they hospitalise you, just remember it is on your terms. It’s you approaching them for help, you having the courage to tell them everything, it’s you actively doing something to silence the voices, it’s you being prepared for the possibility of being hospitalised for a while. It’s all on your terms. I know that doesn’t make it any less scary, but maybe there’s a little bit strength to be found in it.

    • Its strange in a way, I don’t know if anyone can relate, but as hard as this all is, I feel a kind of safety in this illness

      I can’t explain it, I guess at some point talking an tablets just isn’t enough anymore, I’m just repeating myself to people now, an I seem to become immune to the tablets over time

      Thanks again for taking time to read my blog, an give your time, I’m really grateful for it

      • I think I can relate to that, in my own way at least. There is a weird kind of comfort in knowing that there’s a reason for the unpredictability, the absurdities, the highs and lows. So even when it’s at it worst, we still know it’s not just some cruel cosmic joke being played on us, but a chemical imbalance in the brain that responds to emotional triggers more severely than it does in most people.

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