What the hell is happening to me…
My head is totally messed up, I’d love to believe its the diazepam messing with my brain, I’m so frustrated an feel like I’m crawling the walls inside my own mind
I’m scared, I’m tempted to phone the crisis team, not to be taken to hospital, but perhaps for a doctor to leave me out some sort of medication to give me some relief
I’m so emotional, so angry that this is beating me, angry for not trying hard enough to fight back, angry that I don’t have the will or the energy
No one knows what to do or say to help me, its not their fault, there isn’t anything they can say, its too powerful this time
I’ve allowed it to fester inside me, an now its to strong an taking control
I’m cross at my doctor refusing to give me diazepam back when it was only beginning, not now when its to late for that, it should be used as a prevention an not a cure!
Its times like this that the mania takes over an I start to get all these crazy ideas, things I would never do
the psychosis begins to amp up, an give more strength to the voices
I feel so helpless, such a failure
I know its just the illness talking, I keep blaming myself, but I can’t help it, I have to remember, its not my fault
How selfish am I, my god mother an other people, dying of cancer, an me, wanting to die, when I should be grateful
My uncle runs an owns his own church, he wants me in for prayer, I feel this evil inside me, my doctor told me not to buy to much into the whole thing, but i need help and fast!