Silver In Grey

So, its the days leading up to my psychologist appointment

up until monday, it felt like I’d given myself a count down clock, an that it would be the decider in my future

Its horrible to feel so lost, so alone, so scared, scared of life, scared of yourself, the gut retching pain of living another day, the responsibility of a life, your life, with the thought of a future too hard to bare

Sometimes It fades just enough, an i don’t know what clicked, for two days now I’ve been stable, is it strange that its scary

Little things are easier to deal with, things that would have pushed me to the edge just two days ago

For instants, I couldn’t find my bank card today, the back seats in the taxi were plastered in dog hair, I have a chest infection, plus I was slightly ignored as usual

Such pathetic things, things that perhaps on a different day, or even as soon as tomorrow could affect me different, but with a clear mind today it was nothing

~ A little of something is better than nothing at all ~

I was sceptical about posting yesterday an today, because as much as I wish this could last, I’ve been here before

But it shows that there is a glimmer of light in every darkness

If just one person in the world reads this, an realises, its not always going to be bad all the time, even if that person is myself, reading this post back someday, we or I, will know there’s always a chance for us

For now I’m sure of a few things…

I know I don’t want to be this person, I don’t want this life anymore, I don’t want it for any of us

~ I think mental illness is like a seesaw, if you try an go it alone, you’re stuck ~

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