Whirlwind Of Crazy

I was so void in the police station, an the ambulance last night, I already felt dead… Inside, the thought of it all makes me feel really uncomfortable now

I ended up waited around the hospital until 9:30 this morning, so that was four an a half hours waiting around to see the psychiatrist

No one really took into consideration how I was feeling, I kept being refused any kind of medication, but weirdly a nice blanket, a cup of tea an some toast, an I felt so much better

The nurses were nice, yet they were the type of people who have been doing their job so long, they now just go through the motions, there isn’t really any feeling of proper humanity in hospital

When the psychiatrist finally came I had her pegged in under a minute, stuck up, and with an over sense of achievement, floating around the place giving orders like she was the boss, treating the nurses like they were beneath her

We chatted for a while, I explained everything, but by that point I was exhausted, I just wanted to go home, at one point she asked did I not find therapy helpful over the years, to which I replied that I was sitting in a hospital, so what did she think, i was glad she deemed me mentally fit to go home, she did agree that I was ‘messed up’ an needed help though

I told her I was going home, even if that meant walking, which would have been about 30 miles I think, so I didn’t think that through did i, so she then rang an paid for a taxi to leave me home, which was really nice of her

I have to see the crisis team again tomorrow, a follow up to see how I am

I finally got home at 11am, its strange, it feels like last night didn’t really happen, no one had a clue, as I am over 18, no one can inform family without me giving permission

I wish I hadn’t told my mum now, because now every one knows, which made me upset, I told her she should have asked me first, before she told everyone else

I didn’t want the concern an the pity, and that look that says ‘is he broken’

I’m in bed now after a few hours sleep, an washing last night off my skin, I didn’t really get anything from all this, I just feel guilty because I feel I wasted hospital resources with my actions

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