The Tipping Point

~ we shouldn’t live our lives by anyone elses standards, or try to please others, because where does that leave us ~

I’ve been ill now for some time, physically, I’m not sure what’s wrong, I think its my current lifestyle, the stress, my state of mind an other things

Apart from going to the shop an home again, I haven’t left the house in almost a week, I just can’t find the strength to go out, a fear is feeding my social phobia, I don’t even want to be around the people I know

I tried to explain it to my doctor, DR H, the response I got was ‘oh you should get out more’… Hello?? That’s the problem in the first place

Deep breathe….

I’m so angry lately to, I feel like I’m screaming inside, no one has even asked how I am, an I don’t want to be a burden, so I haven’t mentioned anything to anyone

I’ve barely even seen anyone, even at home, unless I go down to get something to eat etc, I don’t want their sympathy, everyone is so self absorbed in their own lives, an who am I to expect anything from them

Simple things like, before, my mum would ask if i was going out.. Well as she liked the company walking up the town to be honest, but now she gets a taxi everyday, I’m no longer needed, or thought of

I’m not a child anymore, an i know that, I’m meant to be able to handle life better, but as the years go on, I feel more helpless than ever

There’s a big party in a weeks time, but Im questioning going, usually it would be what I need to reset my mind, so to speak, but now I feel it would be exactly the thing I need to push me over the edge, I already feel like I’m starting to spiral

Its like I’m living a separate life within my own, I feel so abandoned by everyone, but at the same time, I’m tired of running to those same people for help

If you think about it, help is a funny word, what does it even mean in the life of someone coping with an illness, an wouldn’t I be feeling better instead of worse if I truly got what ‘help’ is supposed to be

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