Throwing My Life Away

So another weekend over, I ended up drinking again, running from myself is becoming an expensive new hobby, i feel like I’m literally throwing my life away

Drinking isn’t a problem yet, I just do it now an again to block out my troubles, I just don’t know what’s happening with me lately

I feel like there’s this horrible darkness hanging over me, I feel lost, an like I’m awake in a dream

It feels like there’s so much frustration an anger in my life lately, an then there’s the people in it, I feel like they drag me down, an i can barely stand to be around them anymore, or for long periods of time

Sometimes I feel bad for thinking that way, but most days something happens to reaffirm my thinking

Like today…
My mum mentioned that when my step dad goes to work in the morning, the house feels so lonely, as I an my brother stay in our own rooms, a subtle hint of blame is how it felt, how she’s feeling is how I’ve felt for years

She only seems to think of herself lately, how she feels, an how hard it is for her, this is now on a daily basis, its getting really old

Its almost like she’s a sponge, absorbing everything about me that I’ve been dealing with, with no apparent memory of me mentioning what its been like for myself

I feel like I’m a shadow in this family lately, in life in general, but with me, in about a week I’ll forget everything an life will be all rose tinted again

Its a never ending battle of emotions


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