Living Delusion

I think delusions are when you believe something that isn’t true, an you hold on to the belief even when confronted with the evidence

In the past i’ve written posts about my battle with social phobia, and one on anxiety, I’m going to write a short post now about delusions or possibly psychosis, an what its like for me

Sometimes I wonder if someday I will lose my mind all together, with no way back, its a scary thing to think about, in my worst moments, I have wished that I could form amnesia, I even looked it up online once, on ways to induce it,that’s how desperate I was to forget my life, an who I am

I’ve gone through different stages of delusions, each one lapses eventually, but in those times, everything seems so real

When I first moved home, is when I began to notice, I was convinced that my step dad was watching me with hidden cameras an could read my mind, or hear what I was thinking

as the years went on new forms of delusions developed, from believing I was psychic, to being able to control the weather, at one time even thinking evil was growing inside me

For a while I had hallucinations of ghosts, I started to believe they were following me because I was dyeing

Lately its slightly changed, moving away from delusions, examples of this would be like when I walk by a car, I believe its been rigged with a bomb, or when I can’t tell the difference between what was a dream, an what is reality

I wish I understood what is happening to me, but I’m losing insight an any understanding that I may have once had

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