Waiting To Exhale

I’ve had a bad case of cabin fever all day, I feel like my mind is shouting constantly, ”you’re bored you’re bored“ an the suicidal ideation has persisted for hours

My step dad was off work today, when he’s off my mum forgets about the rest of us, at least that’s how it feels, I’d respect that, only, they are only apart like five hours a day on week days

She complains how its lonely in the morning when he goes to work, an I’m not up yet, its only two hours, I’m always alone, like today they’ve been out all day, I’ve been here alone for hours, I feel like I’m in a prison

She doesn’t realise how lucky she is, my step dad offers to take her places all the time, but she can’t be bothered, I wish I had someone willing to take me out

My social phobia almost limits my whole life, I can barely even take a taxi to get out, its a horrible existence on the worst days when the fear affects me the most

It been harder too cause we quit smoking together on saturday, she only lasted a day, now I feel like I’m suffering it alone

Plus over the last month i’ve realised I’m getting grey hair from all the stress, an it won’t reverse until I get it under control, I thought it falling out was bad enough, though that isn’t noticeable

On top of that, my younger brother is in prison, for breaking his bale, my older brother will join him next month, silly behaviour while they’ve been drunk, little things have added up over time, nothing serious, but even still

My family life is so chaotic, an my life in general is in constant flux, always some upheaval to deal with, its how its always been, I don’t know what a normal life is like


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