A Dark Fairytale

When you put your life into prospective, see it all laid out in front of you, sometimes its not the life you actually thought you had been living all this time

All the happy times, a distant memory, an weighed down by all the tears you’ve shed

Its like living in a dark fairytale…

Its funny when I visit my god mother, everyone sits an listens to every word I say, an not only that, they want too

With my family, everyone is so afraid they might miss something, that they would rather tune me out to see what else is going on around them

It leaves you with that feeling, where you can actually feel your heart sink

The atmosphere with them is like walking on egg shells, or waiting for a powder keg to blow at any moment

I’m not a genius or anything, but I always feel like I have to dumb myself down for them, I guess growing up, having manners an being told to be a certain way drilled into me on a daily basis, has stuck with me a little…

If i imagine a life without them, its always such a sad existence, empty an lonely

Its like a curse has been put on me, when I left care, I left all my friends behind, I lost touch, an thought I was starting again, but it seems every friend I’ve made since I moved home, have either been rejected by my family, or left town

Am I that hard to be around, that everyone leaves me in the end

From my posts, it would seem that this is my life, an though it is, these posts are more of a peek behind the mask, the part of me that I never share…

I’ve always known, that i don’t want a life of circumstance an convenience anymore, I long for excitement an danger, an a different kind of chaos, I feel so chained down

Where have I been for the last 9 years, its like I’ve been here, but not present

Like a caged bird, maybe I just want to feel free

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