Me, Myself And Crazy

Have you ever had that feeling of building pressure with everything going on in your life, like a song building and building to a crescendo… You just want to shout out, stop!

I’m trying not to complain so much anymore, it comes to the point where, people hear me say I’m not feeling so good, an they begin to think, ‘you’re always sick’ it gets boring for them, which I can understand

Mental illness can get overlooked, because no one can see what’s going on, its an internal struggle of the mind, so some people don’t understand what they can’t see… Seeing is believing right!

I need to start breaking old habits, who says you can only make plans to change your life on a new year, and its a long time coming for me to bite the bullet

My life is like readers digest, everything I do can be predicted down to a tee, like I’m living my life by a script, I’ve isolated myself into such strict routines, when I do make plans they keep falling through, so I can’t build my hopes up, especially when people keep letting me down

I recently started opening up to someone, was it the right time, I thought so, its better when things aren’t planned, you just go with it, but once again sadly things didn’t work out, apparently I didn’t give enough attention, or enough of my time, but you know, its ok, I’m hurt, but I’m lucky it was early days, any goodbye with feelings is hard, its sad when anything that meant something is final

There is still a chance to start again, the same sorrys I’ve had so many times in life, I’m tired of being blamed for how others feel, in those moments, its not about how I’ve felt, but about how they feel

Its hard for me to give second chances, once someone hurts me, something happens, where my feeling shut off, and I feel nothing anymore, its both a good and bad thing, I think they call it black and white thinking

Its upsets in my life like that, that seem to spark of this chaos inside me, an it brings me to the darker side of myself

People around me have begun to notice me change, I get asked am I ok a lot, that I seem, sad, distant an lost

I’ve been told I need to get away for a while, which I think is a good plan, my life an the people in it, can be quite toxic at times, to the point where I’m wanting to be alone more often, maybe as I’m getting older, I can’t handle it as much as I could a couple of years ago, I’ll be twenty seven next year, an I have to take myself into consideration, how much longer can I breathe in this environment

Inside I’m slowly crumbling, little bits chipping away all the time, the cross roads of my life needs a decision

I have an appointment with the mental health team next week, I’m going to get them to read my blog, its the only way they will truly understand

Moving backwards, or standing still, is no longer an option

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