Boy In The Mirror: Cruel Intentions

Sometimes I think to myself, I wish I could be a better person, someone selfless, someone who could smile at strangers without paranoid judgement

I wish I could risk my heart more, live in the moment, take risks, lighten up an laugh more, give more freely, without all the mind games

What’s funny is, that is how I used to be, but that person seems like someone I’ve only read or heard about somewhere in an old story

But now I image myself like a bulb, that once was bright an glowing, but over the years its become so dim, to now were it only flickers

I don’t like how I am lately, snapping at people, the anger inside, and the care free cruel nature that’s somehow surfaced, an is eating away at any good left in me, I’m like poison, infecting everything around me, an feeding off of other peoples emotions

I don’t feel like a good person, when in fact I must be, because that’s what I’m told

Its not a split personality, an its not me, if it were, wouldn’t it always have been there, an would i have to suppress it so much, so what is it, is it possible its part of a personality disorder

I think life is taking its toll on my mind, its metaphorically killing me, the old me who I once was, its like life itself is strangling the life out of me, to now were I’m almost trapped in the shadows of darkness, an that darkness has taken a life of its own in me

~ ஜ ~

Its strange how, when something bad happens in life, you can actually feel some kind of split in your mind, like in that moment you get a glimpse of chaotic free-fall

Life is probably the biggest responsibility, you’re in charge of a whole life, your life

in a marriage, if things aren’t working, you can divorce, if your job is too much for you, you can quit, if you don’t like someone or something, you can sell, dump, or remove it from your life, but there’s not escaping from yourself

We can only try our best to make things better for ourselves, because in the end, only you can help yourself….

This post is quite deep in how I’ve explained things, but its how it feels, an it makes more sense to me to express things in this way

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