Silent Screaming

Scream… Scream… Scream…
On the inside anyway…

I haven’t been feeling well for a few days now, there feels like there’s air trapped in my chest, sometimes its painful, an I’m always so tired, no vitality at all

Saturday night I lost some of the power in my left arm, which travelled to my left leg, an been having really bad hunger pains, inappropriate pains

I saw the doctor today, an he doesn’t know what’s causing it, he did all sorts of tests, an found nothing, though he was kinda worried about a lump I found in my neck, I’ve asked for blood work to be done

I’m hoping that its all from stress an anxiety, in the past due to that, my arms have gone numb, also my chest, legs an the right side of my brain, I’d been unable to eat for months as I was living off of nervous energy

Sometimes I walk around like I’ve been drugged, or with jolts running through my body, like seizures, which feels like you’re being electrocuted, but without any pain

Its a horrible thing, anxiety, an how it can take on any form of illness or symptom within your body

I think with everything that’s going on, with me, my family, an putting so much pressure on myself over this new relationship type scenario I’ve found myself in, an what I’m going through separately, I’m just exhausted

And everyday there seems to be a new drama

Just last night, men from out of town, attacked my aunts bungalow, trying to get in, an trying to break the windows

It all started between my brother an another guy who lives nearby, falling out, but then he had to get his friends involved, the guys were apparently all drunk, the police were called, an lucky no damage was really done, but its scary

I didn’t even feel comfortable there today, the sooner my aunt moves the better, there are no good memories there anymore

Where I live, about a mile from my aunt, is a completely different world, its a more ‘well-to-do’ area, its like being in the country, so quiet, an never any trouble, which I’m so grateful for

Taking everything into account, I just feel like life is punishing me, all the bad people in this life seem to be happy, an people like me, who wouldn’t hurt a fly, seem to suffer the most, I never understand that, maybe they live more because they don’t care

They do say the good die young, I feel like I’m already there sometimes

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