Emotional Scars

Lately I’m caught up in a place, between fantasy an reality, where I allow my mind to drift of into day dreams of a different life, but its allowing myself to wish this way, that can tip the scale the wrong way, an bring me to the bottom, where all the pain an hurt is buried

Allowing that pain to flow free can be both good an bad at times, good, because it can dull your other emotions that tear you up inside, an bad because it can turn you bitter, jealous an angry, an its harder to come back from that place

There are times when I realise my emotions are harder to grasp, like when I feel empathy for another person, or I feel humbled by someone doing something nice for me, its like a confusing split in my mind where I have to process the feeling, almost analyse how that feeling is making me feel in that moment

Over the years, I’ve tried my best to open up to people, to love, but then its like a different side of me takes over, yearning to be loved, but when I get to where I want to be with that other person, I feel uncomfortable, when I’m loved in return, I no longer want it, perhaps I’m afraid of the hurt, because it rips your heart so deep you can feel the scar it leaves

Dealing with emotions can be difficult, an put you in a lonely place, sometimes you can’t really share the burden, it has a way of swallowing you up sometimes, especially if its something you’re not used to feeling very often

Its hard to live each day, both loving an hating, constantly at war with yourself an dealing with how you feel for everyone else, sometimes there isn’t room in your life to feel anything for others, because you spend so much time trying to deal with how you’re feeling yourself

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