Overwhelmed And Under-Valued

Its strange that when you’re emotional, you turn to things that you assume will free you from the pain, its like a flood, being weighed down, an having to ride out the tide while holding your breath

~ stop letting people who do so little for you, have so much control over your mind, feelings an emotions ~

I like to draw strength from quotes I read that relate to my life

Things are not good at the moment, I’m kinda going off at the deep end, it feels like an avalanche, an everything is getting on top of me, I’m angry an moody all the time, I don’t want to be this way, live this way… But I swallow it, I push it down so I don’t show it as much, so I don’t feel it, but you can feel yourself beginning to crack, an it can be slightly scary, I feel like I’m always just one day away from a breakdown

At times I find myself hating my life, hating that I’m alive, hating everyone around me, an I find myself putting blame on them, I guess in a way they are to blame, which might sound selfish, but its not a normal life, its not the way I want to live, I can’t do this for much longer or I think I may just explode

I’m overwhelmed, and under-valued

I try to talk to people… When you, yourself are going through a hard time, it really let’s you know who is there for you, but I have no one in my life with emotional maturity, so I get my problems out there a little, heard maybe, but I might as well talk to myself

Everyone around me are still quite touchy lately, its like walking on egg shells everyday, you never know what drama you’re letting yourself in for, its really stressful at times, especially with your own thing going on

I’m self drugging, which isn’t ideal, but it helps, I take an extra pill, maybe a few pain killers, then drown myself in coffee to intensify the, I’ll call it a ‘buzz’, then I use my seroquel to switch off my mind at night, so my days are like a rollercoaster of emotions an energy switches in itself, but I haven’t turned to alcohol or anything illegal, an I’m not going overboard, just a little extra push to help me

Its so close to christmas, so I’m trying to be, ammm festive??… An stay in control, I love holidays, I enjoy them, so its like putting a pause on life for a while, new year is also just around the corner, an I need to build my will power, the power to change will come… It has to

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