Fuelled Nightmare

Sunday I was invited out to have christmas dinner, a four course meal, in a lovely restaurant with my god mother, but as always these days, my tablets left me really tired, so I cancelled, instead, I stayed home, but with all my decisions lately, I live to regret them

My brother an his girlfriend came to visit, an again they were fighting, an again, my brother took it too far, this time, from what I heard, they fell out over food, I stayed upstairs, but I could hear everything, him threatening her, calling her names, grabbing her by the hair, telling her to go back home to her parents, I don’t need this around me, especially in my home, where I come to escape all their drama

Then there’s my younger brother, who has finally got his own house, though sunday night was the first night he chose to sleep there, he landed back to my aunts (where he had since moved to from our house about a week ago) smelling of drink

Monday night, they were both drinking at my aunts, ironically my older brother finished his drug an alcohol course, an chose to celebrate it by drinking, they invited others in, an all hell broke loose, they were falling out an wanting to fight each other, though they eventually calmed down, but my younger brothers nose is cut, an my aunts face is bruised, where there had hit each other in a separate fall out

My aunt was in tears over it, she has no choice but to stick it out, she has no say in her own home, even though she speaks her mind, an is no push over, she’d be ignored or threatened if she did stand up for herself

My step dad was even threatening to ‘cancel christmas’, a tad dramatic, but I don’t blame him, he does all the work, an this could be a glimpse of what christmas night might be like

Last night, again they were drinking, separately, but ended up together, my step dad gets lots of wine an things given to him over christmas, my older brother had a few glasses when he came to visit us last night, but of course a few for him always turns into more, so after he left an they met up, they ended up drinking all night, an it ended with my younger brother smashing windows in his new house, he’s only had the house a week

today a man that’s had a fallout with my older brother called to my aunts house looking for him, their actions always bring trouble around my aunts house, that’s why they are trying to move, to escape it all, I’m sometimes worried those people that have something against my brothers will one day come after me

I think of how much I want to try, try to change my life, to make it better, but I look at them, an I realise they never will

My uncle once told me, that I need to get away from them, that I have so much potential, but the people around me are like dead weights, dragging me down, an I need to cut loose, or I’ll never go anywhere

That’s what he did, an he’s glad he did, now he’s happy an he’s really successful, maybe our family weren’t the cause, but they defiantly would have held him back

I know what I need to do, I need to create some distance between us, I can still have the same life, with them in it, but also a separate one of my own, that doesn’t involve them as much

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