Fear Is Robbing Me Of A Life

I’ve realised now that, you can cut as many people from your life as you want, but the people left will usually make up for what the others take away ~

There was a big fight today at my aunts, between my brothers, an then my mum got dragged into it, it started over money, but once mum got dragged into it, it began a whole new fight over nothing, with my older brother saying some pretty nasty things

so mum, my younger brother an I left, my mum broke down in the street, I’m not very good with others emotions, but I was there for a hug an reassurance

I’m glad we left, I don’t want to be around that kind of atmosphere, but it will resolve itself, like it always does, i think we spend too much time around each other, its like a powder keg waiting to go off, we need time apart, an then come back together again, just less often

I’ve limited my close circle of people so much now, that my family are pretty much all I have, I’ve moved around so much in my life, that I’ve never built really strong friendships, the few I have left, are not people I would call close, even though I trust them, an they love me, there’s just not that connection I’d like there to be

I need to start carving out a life of my own, but lately I admit, I’ve become a little lazy towards life, I have all these plans, but not the energy or will to go through with them, I miss the old me, the me before medication, I was more out going, more adventurous, an I stuck to what I set out for, now I’m like a zombie who gets tired too easily

I think that’s where my anger truly comes from, frustration because of my social phobia an paranoia, it limits my life, an I get angry with myself because I’m so scared, an the more I feed the fear, the harder life has become, I’m not afraid to admit that I hold so much fear inside

I’m not all me, me, me…. But perhaps I need to be, I need one hell of an overhaul, my fear has become, one day I’ll look in the mirror, an there will be an old man looking back at me, wondering where his life went, an sadly dying unfulfilled, because fear robbed me of a life

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