Where The Dark Path Leads

I don’t know what is going on inside my head, I can’t control the voices anymore, they talk at will an have conversations that I’m not a part of, its strange to even be writing this, it feels so unnatural

There seems to be four voices, my own, the kind helpful one, the nasty one, then there’s tylar, who I don’t really understand, he is the impulsive, live for today, cold hearted, rebellious one, it was a part of me that I created as an escape from being myself, an now has taken on a life of its own, which is messed up in itself

Each day now its like my thoughts are the ones living my life, making me think the most horrible, evil thoughts, aside from that, I’ll simply be spending time with my family for example, but inside I’ll be thinking, ‘if I wasn’t here anymore, would I miss any of this, would I miss them’, an the answer is no, I wouldn’t, its like I’m now test driving my own life, like my life has been taken out of my hands

I have this strange feeling inside, like I feel, an I know its my time to go, its as if you just know its your time, I don’t choose to think an feel this way, an I’m not saying that I’m planning anything, its just there everyday now, an everyday that passes makes me feel more an more like I don’t belong

I’m just so unhappy, I can’t cope, I can’t even stand to look at myself anymore, I’m always so angry, I don’t even remember who I used be anymore, I’ve lived so much of my life in the almost 27 years of it

There is so much to live for an experience in life, but in bed at night, you’ll always be reminded of how you really feel, with no distractions, for me this is no longer a life, not anymore, its just an existence

No one knows how I feel, its been exhausting keeping up an act, although today I did confide in my mum again, to which I didn’t get much response, just an ‘I know its hard’… Its not her fault, I guess she does the best she knows how

I see the mental health team very soon, an I’m in two minds as of what to do, tell all an hope for the best, or go on with my life, an whatever happens, happens…

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4 responses to “Where The Dark Path Leads

      • Isn’t it funny how we use those phrases, but we really mean them in the truest sense? I know you will do it. And let me be the first to wish you the Happiest of Birthdays. This is going to be a good year. I can feel it.

      • Thank you, that’s really sweet…

        An as for everything else, I started the year with all those phrases, but I meant my comment literally, there are a lot of important things coming up for me in the next few months

        But I’m open to change, an hopefully soon, I can find a new path an direction

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