Truth Set Free

Today I woke up, an I felt a little better, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before the darkness set in again, an I was right

This is the worst depression I’ve ever felt, an its the strongest my mental illness has ever been, I don’t know what triggered it, perhaps I just gave up trying anymore

Walking around town today with family, I realised how much I hate this place now, how it never really felt like home to me, an how I’d love to just get away, I have this longing inside, to just be free

I saw the doctor today, Dr,H, he listened, more than usual anyway, I told him everything, how my mind is out of control, the things I’m seeing, the voices, the anger, the evil thoughts, how I have urges to hurt people/myself, my depersonalisation, but most of all how scared I am, i told him how it was my birthday next monday, an I just wanted to stay stable till then, then I’d decide how to go forward from there

He phoned the mental health team for advice, but most of them where busy in a meeting, the man he did talk to just advised to up my dose of seroquel, but that it wouldn’t do much for the psychotic symptoms, an that I’ll have an emergency appointment sometime next week

Before I left, the doctor told me to ring in, in a couple of days to see how I’m doing, an got me to phone my mum, so he could tell her to monitor my tablets, an to keep them away from me

I just want to enjoy my birthday, as bad as things are, I wouldn’t want to be hospitalised before then, so I’ll give myself until tuesday, an see what happens I guess, an hopefully my birthday post will be a happy one for all of you for a change

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