To Hell With Them All

Today I had my appointment with the mental health team, in the letter it said ‘key worker and medical staff’ but it was only the OT lady an some man, I guess he was a key worker an the OT lady was the medical staff, then why not just say that??

It was the same boring routine, sitting in a poky room, with barely any breathing room between me an them, I felt like I was repeating myself, the OT might as well of given him her notes, because I said the exact same thing today as the last time with her

She didn’t speak, just sat there looking like she’d rather still be in bed, an him, he sat there like someone had sucked the life from his body, he came across like he was bored an didn’t really wanna be there

At the end I told them I want no further help from the team, an that I’d rather go it alone, I’m done with them, like the letters say ‘let us know if you can’t make it, an your appointment can be allocated to another patient’ well let them have my time instead, maybe that person will actually find it useful

They asked would I at least see them one more time, I told them no, they can go be as helpful an useful as looking at paint dry with someone else

As my medication was changed to a higher dose, my doctor phoned to make sure I bring in my extra medication I’ll now have, she’s told my mum to take them from me an bring them in with her tomorrow as she has an appointment there, ‘take away the temptation’

In my anger I’m tempted to discharge myself from their surgery, an to not take any medication at all, that’s how much I care, it won’t achieve anything, but I’m done with them, they are the most unhelpful, unprofessional people I’ve ever met

You know its bad when they ask, ‘how do you think we can help you’ how am I meant to know that, maybe I should become a psychiatrist, an then I can diagnose myself, do their job for them, because that’s what they rely on most of the time

I’ll live to regret this, an I’ll probably have to go crawling back for help sooner or later, but I can’t help how I feel, I’m ruled by my emotions lately, an until I calm down from how I feel, I don’t see any way forward, I know I can’t go it alone, an I guess they know I’ll be back anyway

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