Fallen Angel: A Touch Of Humility

Life always gives you a second chance, its called tomorrow

I can’t blame my illness for everything, but it does have a strong hold on my emotions, only when someone shows me kindness or love, do I come back down to earth an feel grounded again, its like I almost don’t believe what’s just happened, an it shocks me back to reality, I don’t really understand it, apart from what I’ve just told you

I’ve talked a lot lately about how people in my life leave me behind, about how I feel forgotten an alone, an although that much is true, I’ve never really told the story from the other side, an I believe in admitting to my faults, an owning up to my mistakes

I’ve realised that I’ve allowed my illness to consume my life, I’ve been selfish with my emotions towards others, you have to put something in, to get something back, how I feel, which I find hard to stay in control of, makes me turn against the people in my life, so I distance myself from them, which probably makes them think I don’t want to be around them, so I don’t get asked, which then only deepens my resentment, an there you have a never ending circle

I know this now, an with a clearer mind, I guess I always have, I have given a little more of myself lately, an I have been honest with people about how I feel, an I have since been asked to go places more often, an people have been there for me lately when I needed help, because I asked, I need to learn that its ok to ask for help

When mum an I were chatting yesterday, in one of our many chats about life, she told me that, she’s always there for me, and always will be, she may not always know what to do, or say, but I’ll never be alone as long as I have her in my life

I think the problem is me, the world is not out to get me, not everyone is trying or is going to hurt me, its ok to trust people, to forgive an to love

I’m grateful for what I have, an hopefully next time when I allow myself to be swallowed up by my emotions, an the darkness of depression, I can hold on to those things, an it will bring me back again

I guess like a lot of people, we like to think we know more about ourselves than we actually do, but no matter what age we are, we never truly stop learning about who we are, an that’s why life is called a journey


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