Punishment In Revenge

Revenge is an act of passion, vengeance of justice. Injuries are revenged, crimes are avenged

I tried to write a blog days ago, but it ended up a mess, I haven’t been well lately, an that’s partly my own fault, after DR C left that rude voicemail about me being cut off diazepam, in which she almost implied I was an addict, a part of me snapped, an I haven’t been taking any medication at all lately, at first it was a sort of revenge, but I’m the only one being hurt by it as the withdrawal symptoms are taking their toll

I feel awful! I’m having static shock through my body, I feel sick, to the point of throwing up, I’m over heating, my sleep pattern is messed up, an I feel like I’m barely here, so you tell me who’s winning in this scenario

My anger just took over, an I thought I’d somehow get my own back by my actions, but it backfired, along with the withdrawal, I’ve become isolated, an bitter towards those around me, convincing myself I’m alone, when I’ve put myself where I am, I’m pretty much a pathetic mess of my own making

I’m just falling apart, getting urges to self harm, the frustration is unbearable, I’m having murderous intrusive thoughts, an losing the will to go on, all I can think about is how much I don’t care about anything, an how much I just want to be left alone, an to feel free from everything in my life

I couldn’t of picked a worse time, but that’s the story of my life, I haven’t been going out, an everything is getting to me, my medical for ESA is on thursday, an I’m in no shape to attend, so I’m hoping I can ring an get out of it, my friends birthday is on friday an its a big night, I just can’t be bothered, on top of that I’ve met someone really nice, but I’ve been so caught up in myself, I haven’t been making much of an effort

I just want to cry, maybe when I’m back on my meds, I’ll be ok again

The feathers in this post link back to my post, fallen angel, the fading truths once learnt, an realising that forgetting is sometimes easier

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