A Thank You Note: Words From The Heart

Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart, and not in the mind

Its almost been a year since I wrote my first thank you post, an I couldn’t be more grateful for the support I receive in writing this blog, it invites people into your life who understand, an support you, who feel your pain, but also will you on in happiness, because they’ve walked a similar path in life

We all have our ups an downs, our good days an our bad, its about having the strength to go on, taking small steps that lead to a bigger journey, learning a little more about ourselves along the way

I’ve learned a lot about myself already, yet I have a lot more to learn, we never truly stop learning new things about ourselves, its about being content with what we find when we look deeper that matters, an realising that there is a lot more to us than the hardships that come with the psychiatric labels we’ve been given

As I said in my last thank you note;

There’s nothing worse than struggling through in life an feeling so apart from the rest of the world, not knowing where to turn, or where we fit in

But…
As long as we know that there are people out there who aren’t so different than us, an who know what its like to go through the same struggles in life, it let’s us know that we aren’t so different after all, that we aren’t alone in all this, an it gives us a little hope

Thank you for following me on my journey, of not recovery, but more self discovery, i wish only for you, what I wish for myself

Everyone who follows my blog, gets followed back, because I like to be part of other life journeys besides my own, an because it means we are in this together

May you follow your dreams, an always believe in yourself, keep your eyes on the stars, an hope in your heart

Thinspriation: Diary Of A Serial Dieter

As far back as I can remember, I’ve struggled with my weight, I was never one for sticking with a normal diet, even though it gives you more freedom to choose what you want to eat, I always opted for the quick fix, I knew where I wanted to be, an I wanted to be there yesterday!

I’m sure if my body had a voice it would beg me ‘NO MORE, PLEASE!’

I remember when I first realised that I was putting on weight, I was in school, an I had forged a note to get out of P.E, I hated it, someone had told on me, and the teacher was making me empty my pockets, which were embarrassingly full of empty crisp packets, to which she said to me ‘no wonder you’re getting plump’, quite cruel I think

My very first diet was around the age of 14, I joined weight watchers, I’d always been quite thin, but from the age of about 12, I started putting on weight, I’d just moved from a strict foster home, an was now living in a childrens home, I think the freedom I suddenly had was my downfall, I could have what I wanted, when I wanted it

So when I joined weight watchers, I was slightly chubby, it was the summer holidays, in 3 weeks I’d be heading back to school, most people over the summer come back with slightly more weight on, but I wanted everyone to notice how different I was, I didn’t want to be one of the ‘chubby ones’ in my class anymore

I remember I stuck to salad sandwiches, lettuce, cucumber and tomato, I ate that for lunch and dinner, an walked 3 miles before each of the meals, which resulted in me losing half a stone a week, each week, so I was happy, perhaps, though it was healthy, I was only having around 1000 cals a day

I kept the weight off for a long time. I left foster care, an moved home again at 17, at which point i was quite thin, i was home I’d say about a year, an over that time the weight started creeping back on, so I once again joined weight watchers

I never stayed for the actual meetings, I only used weight watchers for the weekly weigh in, it gave me motivation

So as I said, I once again joined weight watchers, for a few weeks I stuck to a healthy diet, but each week I’d only lose like 3-4 lbs, people were saying ‘well done’ an were pleased for me, an although this is the healthy amount to lose a week, I wasn’t happy, I was upset, I’d tried so hard, an this was my reward!

So I took matters into my own hands, an I started a drastic ‘fad’ diet, I’d only eat a slice of ham, and a slice of cheese, twice a day, it wasn’t a planned out fad diet, it was more about eating as little as possible, an that’s what I happened to choose to eat, as it was to hand, although I did drink lots of coffee an energy drinks, as I knew that they speed up your metabolism

I lost so much weight, I think if I had of stuck to it any longer, I would have become anorexic, even when my clothes were baggy on my body, an people were warning me that it was time to stop, I still felt fat, I still wasn’t happy, but I loved them telling me I’d gone too far, an telling me I needed to stop, to me those were compliments, an only fuelled my desire to keep going

At a point I tried to eat a banana, an I was full after it, I boasted to my family, like it was an accomplishment (I got laughed at) I’d eat certain food, purely for taste, an then spit it out, I also tried to make myself sick a few times, but that didn’t work for me, I think around this time, I knew people were right, an I stopped the diet

Not long before I stopped that diet, I had went back for what would be my final weigh in at weight watchers, the women told me my body mass was 11 points under, and asked had I been starving myself, I remember feeling my face going red, as I tried to deny it, an making some joke that It was an excuse to go eat lots of burgers, as I said I never went back after that

Once again I went back to old habits, mostly binge eating, so I was trapped in a diet cycle, I’d lose too much weight, then gain to much, I’d be shocked, an then begin a drastic diet to lose it again

My next diet was atkins, I’m not too sure on the rules, I know its mostly protein, an you can’t have more than 20g of carbs a day, I modified it myself, to only eating two tins of tuna a day, as it has no carbs at all (neither has bacon.. yum!) I’d add mayo, an sometimes I’d add onion, onion isn’t allowed, but tuna does become sickening

I’d walk a lot, do sit ups an crunches, sometimes I’d even dance for ages, I used a step machine back then also, one that counts calories burnt, I’d use it everyday until it reached 3000

With atkins, you go into a state of ketosis, where your body uses up your stored sugar an then begins to live off your stored fat, even though you’re eating, your body thinks its being starved

I’ve done this diet a couple of times, because it works best, I’d lose a stone the first week, an about 8-9 lbs the next, you loose mostly water weight in the beginning, an they only recommend you do it for two weeks before slowly adding in other foods, these days I can’t even smell tuna or I feel sick

It does take will power, especially if, like me you don’t live alone, watching people around you eating all the things you can’t have, an having food in the house that tempts you

Sometimes I’d also use diet tablets to aid in the weight lose, just ones bought in town, from shops like holland & barrett, an they do work

Just days ago I tried the lipotrim diet, to quickly sum it up, its only done in pharmacies, you go in every week to pick up your supplies, an also have a weigh in, it costs £60 a week for men, and £44 for women, other places differ in price, men drink 2 larger milkshakes a day, an women have 3 smaller ones a day, they come in strawberry, chocolate an vanilla, you can also have chicken soup, but I read it wasn’t nice, they come as powder an you just add water, apart from them, you can only drink black tea/coffee or water, its so strict you can’t even use certain mouth wash or chew chewing gum, as it will ruin the diet, as I’ve mentioned before, like atkins, you go into the state of ketosis, an start burning fat, you can expect to lose about a stone a week

In week two you can have special flapjacks, coconut or peanut, I was allowed to try a bit an they aren’t that nice as they dry up the inside of your mouth, but they aren’t meant to be nice, if they were you’d be tempted to eat more, coming off the diet, you have to eat a certain set diet, still with the shakes for a week, as a way to not load the weight back on quickly again

My will power isn’t how it used to be, I only made it to day 5, which was yesterday, an I quit, it was absolute hell! It works for others, but I just couldn’t stick it anymore, I was weak, an tired, an always hungry, an every day a little more depressed! its such a lonely diet, an truthfully, its boring!

Last night I had a lovely dinner with my family, I’ve never been so happy to have food again! I’m just too impulsive, an didn’t really think it through, you have to be in the right mind set to do these kind of diets, an I just wasn’t this time

If you are planning on doing the lipotrim diet, I’d tell you to do a diet of your own first, cutting down on what you eat for 1-2 weeks beforehand, so that its not such a shock to your system, an it’ll make the transition a bit easier

‘Mainly’ over the last couple of years, I’ve tried an stuck to normal, healthier diets, as in the long run they work best, even if you have bad days when you snack an over eat, the weight won’t go back on nearly as quick as a fad diet

I’m in no way an expert, but my advice is to just enjoy food, if you want something, have it! Just a little goes a long way, even if you only lose 1-2lbs a week, it still means that its working

Next time you’re in town, pick up a bag of sugar, feel the weight, 2lb off your body, although sounds small, is a lot more than you think

As for exercise, you don’t really need to, just be more active, of course it helps, an you will lose the weight quicker, depending on how much you do, but personally I would only do it to tone your body into a shape that makes you happy, an also, a thing which people wouldn’t normally advise, it means you can eat more!

For now at least, I’m living with my own advice, because there are no real shortcuts in the end, I need to realise life’s too short to suffer, but I also know I’m always going to be someone who struggles with his weight

In the end, its your life, an you make your own rules…

We all learn our lessons from our mistakes…. Bon Appetit!