Transition

FEARLESS…is much more than just being UNAFRAID…it means that you’re WEAK and acknowledge it, it means you’re STRONG enough to get back up and MOVE ON. Fearless means you are READY to FACE whatever is headed your way

Its sad when people come into your life, you let your guard down, an form a bond, but ultimately they leave, broken ties that never repair, but a lesson can be learned from each new person who has come an gone, without you even knowing at the time, someone who meant nothing could have just changed your life

I put to much faith in people sometimes, I allow myself to see a future, to hope an with wishful thinking that my life is changing for the better, but either way I’m a stronger person now, learning everyday, but have been taught a lot too, with drama never to far away, never a dull moment, or time to catch my breath

Changing is transition, an transition is change, which is where I find myself at the moment, an so inspired this post

My life is changing, its the mistakes I’ve made that are shaping my future, but you only run out of chances when you stop taking them

I still don’t know where the path of life will lead me, the good thing is, I’m ready to take the risks, I feel positive, an at least for today, alive ~

Last weekend, I fell into old habits again, drinking, among other things, surrounded by people that I know to see, an have crossed paths with before, but people who are trapped in a life cycle of ‘live for today’ an people who don’t really care, yet are living the way they want to, if that makes them happy, then good, but its not the life for me

I’ve said that before, yet done it all again, I believe its ok though, once in a while, to just let go, completely, its a way of wiping the slate clean, an in a way to begin fresher

After that, I felt renewed, I was shown a life that I could easily slip into, if I allowed myself too, I’ve been taking better care of myself, an I feel better for it

Yesterday mum, my step dad, an I went to take my brother to portrush, his girlfriend also came along, as you know he’s in prison, for silly things he did while drunk (I’ve mentioned this all before in past posts) with good behaviour, he’s now allowed out for six hours every two weeks, an soon it will be three days, up until his release in september, it was a good day, again it was another type of escape for me, an another chance to push myself in a different situation

As I also mentioned before, I was awarded ESA, so that was good news, now I know I’m secure for a while at least, I see it as a safety net, a means of living without the stress an fear of pushing myself to actually live beyond what I can cope with, if that makes sense

I’ve been quite quiet though i guess, lying low, an taking time for myself, yet making plans to better my life, by meeting new people, an arranging time away, an nights out, a way to broaden my life beyond the constant stress, drama an dilemmas of my family

My older brother has just found out his girlfriend is pregnant, an already its been mostly the source of rows an fall outs between them, with his Illness, an love of alcohol, he’s not really seen as a good role model, an is afraid social services will take any chance of being a dad away from him, an in the long run losing his girlfriend too, so in a way I don’t blame him, he’s afraid, his future is uncertain, in a few months his life will change forever, one way or the other

At the moment in life, things don’t seem as clouded, some people are happy with their choices, they don’t want to change, an some don’t have the option, for now, I do, an that’s a good start to hopefully taking my choices, an changing my life

The only thing a person can ever really do is keep moving forward. Take that big leap forward without hesitation, without once looking back. Simply forget the past and forge toward the future

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