Dream Journal: Rows & Riches

Sunday 27th Oct

I was back in the childrens home, I was packing to leave, when one of the cleaners started a row with me, an was saying I was hiding a gandalf cloak in a wardrobe

I don’t even like lord of the rings, so a little strange

Monday 28th Oct

I was a millionaire, but every time I wanted to spend money I had to show Id, the card was broken, an I was matching the two halves together to prove it was me

Dream Analyses

Fighting ~ if we dream we are in a fight, it usually indicates that we are confronting our need for independence, we may also need to express our anger and frustration and the subconscious desire to hurt someone else

Money ~ money In dreams does not necessarily represent hard currency, but more the way in which we value ourselves, this symbol appearing in dreams would suggest that we need to assess that value more carefully, an equally to be aware of what we pay for our actions and desires

Dream Journal: Rockabye

Thru 24th Oct

Last night I dreamt I was pregnant!! (we have been talking about pregnancy a lot in real life lately, because of my brothers if you read my regular posts then you’ll understand)

Anyway, I dreamt I was eight months pregnant, I was nervous as I had only one month to go, in the dream I was still a man, I was going to be the first man to have a baby

All the way through, I hadn’t felt the baby move, so they did a scan, I could clearly see its face, it smiled, so we knew everything was ok

The bump wasn’t really noticeable under clothes, I didn’t like to look fat

Dream Analyses

Dreaming of pregnancy usually denotes a fairly protracted waiting period being necessary for something, possibly the completion of a project

A new area of our potential or personality is developing

Dreaming of pregnancy can simply indicate pregnancy in someone around us

Dream Journal: Other-Worldly

Tues 22nd Oct

A relationship from the past had ended, an now they were dating someone not very attractive, I was very insecure about my looks, and wondered, what was so wrong with me

Upset I went to the nearby beach, there were guys on horses, using them to go into the water and hunt for squid

I then went into the water, I was taking pictures for twitter, for some reason underwater, the pictures showed some kind of monster had been swimming near me

Later I dreamt that there were these orbs, they looked beautiful, an I wanted one, there were four, when I removed one, It omitted a sound wave, it turned out these orbs were used to keep a dragon asleep, now that I had removed one, it awoke, an it showed me trying to escape

Later, someone said they had seen aliens, I didn’t believe them, then a moving light in the sky caught my eye, I saw a whole world floating in the sky, it was hard to see as it was the same colour as the night sky, strangely we hitched onto a rocket headed for the moon, an got left off on this strange world, then the dream ended

Dream Analyses

Dragon/Monster ~ a fear which is beyond understanding, usually welling up from within rather than from the outside world

Horses ~ a horse represents the energy at the dreamers disposal, in my dream they were white and grey, which represents spiritual awareness, though a pale horse represents death

Water ~ water represents cleansing, being able to wash away the contamination we experience in everyday life, entering water suggests beginning something new

Alien ~ there is something unknown an frightening which needs to be faced

There is the potential for experiencing oneself, or a part of oneself, as not belonging. In dreams there is the realisation of being different from others in the way we live our lives

Dream Journal: Path To The Past

The next few dreams have a running theme, so I’ve grouped them together

Sun 13th Oct

The dream split between the children’s home I once lived in, an my aunts bungalow, a guy who also lived in the home, had packed my younger brother an my suitcases, an wanted us all to run away together, I wasn’t going but they tried to convince me

Also at one point I was back living in the children’s home, in the dream I was 23, the point being I had stayed 6 years over what I’d meant to have stayed (which is strange as in real life I’m 27)

I also saw my old room at one point, an it had been cleared out, an all the furniture had been giving to the other kids living there, so I had no stuff, I think the point being the staff that worked there had moved me out without me knowing

I also dreamt that I was at my god mothers house, an a ‘bad guy’ was trying to get in to get this boy that we were keeping safe

Fri 18th Oct

I had gone back to the children’s home again, it was a reunion, some people had turned up, one guy said he had moved back in, but had put on an inappropriate costume, an had been asked to leave again

Also a guy there had a collection of glass bears, which I accidentally broke some

I also revisited my old school, there were movie posters up everywhere, an movie posters up a long corridor, with what also looked like a call centre or some kind of tv stage

Sun 20th Oct

again I was back in the home, one of the kids there squirted glue over the back of my jeans, someone else started to pee on me (which was weird!)

For revenge I pushed their faces against a pebble dash wall, an pulled their faces downward, leaving them cut

I went into the laundry room to find a clean pair of trousers, the ones I found among the piles of clothes were either too big, or too small

The dream went on, I found the store room open, where the food is kept, an stole lots of sweets

Strangely brian griffin from ‘family guy’ was living in the bathroom which was next door

mon 21st Oct

once again I was back in the home, the store room once again was open, I stole lots of buns an cakes, I had to slip by a member of staff, but I had dropped some, I ran to the flat I had been living in then (which is in the home to teach independents) to quickly hide the evidence

I also dreamt that I was looking at my teeth in a mirror, an they were worn an chipped away at the front

Dream Analyses

the people who appear in dreams are the characters with which we write our ‘play’. Often they appear simply as themselves, particularly if they are people we know or have a relationship with in the here an now

We may introduce them in order to highlight a specific quality or characteristic, we may also permit them into our dream scenario as projections of our inner life or state of being

An individual from the past could link us with that period of our lives and with specific memories which may, or may not, be painful

Something Broken ~ symbolises loss or damage, action needs to be taken to break a bond or connection in the dreamers life

interestingly

teeth ~ are supposed to stand for aggressive sexuality, although more properly they signify the growth process towards sexual maturity

Teeth falling out easily indicates we are going through some form of transition, similar to that from childhood to maturity, or from maturity to old age and helplessness

If we are anxious about teeth falling out, it suggests there is a fear of getting old and undesirable, or anxiety about maturing

Weirdly for women to dream of swallowing their teeth signifies pregnancy

Dream Journal: Gaining Prospective

I recently started recording my dreams in a ‘dream journal’ an I decided to start blogging about them to add a new aspect to by blog ~

Sat 12th Oct

I had my leg amputated, I was very emotional, often running off in tears

It showed me trying to play football with my new wooden leg

To recover, I had to eat this homemade stew, made from special ingredients that the doctor had give me

Dream Analyses:

when we dream of amputation of one of our own limbs, we risk or fear losing or cutting off, by repressing a part of ourselves

There is loss of a facility or something we value

We have cut short an experience in some way, we are suffering from a loss of power or ability

Taking A Back Seat

As usual, family drama is part an parcel of my life, my younger brother an his girlfriend have split up, her mother gave her an ultimatum, either her or my brother, so its over.. For now at least… He also said she’s pregnant, whether she truly is remains to be seen, so for now his future is unclear where that is concerned

He’s going through a tough time lately, he’s become obsessed that he has cancer, always feeling these ‘lumps’ that he imagines are there, always saying he feels sick, an thinking he looks pale, he’s had countless scans an blood tests, which didn’t show anything, an now he’s waiting on an appointment to have a camera down his throat to check his stomach

I went through that myself, convinced I had cancer years ago, I had every symptom of testicular cancer, but I was too afraid to get checked, after three years, an to the point where I was convinced I was going to die because I had left it too long, an to where the anxiety had pushed me so far over the edge, that I couldn’t eat, or sleep, I finally got examined, an had a scan, thank god it was all clear

Recently he went to see the doctor on call, my step dad took him, an from what he said, the doctor told him he could have HIV!! Though they are going to do tests, I was speechless, I hadn’t heard this before but, one drunken night a friend of his injected him with meth, an I guess if it is hiv, it will be from that dirty needle

And the drama keeps on going… Just days ago my aunt had her living room window smashed, again… She’s trying to find somewhere new to move to (along with my two brothers, an my older brothers girlfriend who also lives with her) although she has been offered amazing places, 2 of which being a newly built house, and the other being a brand new apartment, she turned them down (their dogs being one excuse, stairs, no garden, too many rules about pets etc)

Most people only get 2 offers, she’s already had 5! (Mainly through higher points given from intimidation, trouble that resulted from my brothers ‘enemies’ made while drunk) An now not being happy once again with this fifth offer, she is now going to her solicitor, which I think is wrong, as the housing executive has been more than fair with her, I think its my older brother who mostly seems to have the most say in it all, an always finds a problem

They will all move out of my aunts soon, so it should be viewed as my aunts future home an not theirs

To top it off the weekend, as if the above weren’t enough, both my brothers were drinking for a couple of days, my aunt, mum an I went for lunch on saturday, so my aunt could escape the chaos, she had only two hours sleep, an I felt bad for her, she has to find things to do an go to friends houses to get peace

After we had finished lunch we were waiting outside on our taxi for mum an I to go home, when a man my mum knows came up to us an said my younger brother had started on him as he had walked by my aunts earlier in the day, my brother had asked for a cigarette, I guess he didn’t get one an started hurling abuse, along with fists, the man said my brother was lucky this time, an wants an apology, as if my family hadn’t already gained a bad name with people, they are making new enemies, I’m no angel, but I’m ashamed to be linked to my family sometimes, I guess we get tarred with the same brush, I never bother with anyone, I’m just not that type of person, even when I do drink, I’m happy an fun, sometimes I get emotional an talk too much, but that can be forgiven

I also heard my older brother had a run in with a guy that he’s constantly falling out with, the funny thing is, my brother is mostly civil to him, its the other guy who is rude, which starts an argument, an then always goes to the police for some reason, so now the police want to question my brother supposedly for disorderly conduct, it was reported that my brother hit the guy, in actual fact it was my brother who got hit, its all ridiculous!!

I wonder sometimes will they ever change, or will this become their lives for the future too, as I say, its not the drinking, they could drink everyday if that’s what they really wanted, its who they become while drunk

On another note.. I’ve been doing quite well lately, a few days where controlling my emotions have been difficult, but in general, I’ve been good

A Life Of Crazy

I woke up early today, started getting ready to head away to ‘nuts corner’… For those who don’t know what that is, its a big place with stalls, that sell anything from new to 2nd hand things, there’s hot food stalls, there’s even a fortune teller, an a stall that sells ducks an chickens, so you see how varied it is, for me it was about getting away for the day

But of course my older brother decided to drink last night, got drunk, an today was cancelled, so I ended up going back to bed, why couldn’t he have waited until tonight if he had wanted to drink so badly

Once I heard that he had went to a certain couples house last night, I kind of guessed it would happen, its a couple my brother an his girlfriend are friendly with, who are a drama in themselves, the boyfriend Mr G, is always cheating on his girlfriend Miss E, last time he disappeared for two days, an in that time had a threesome with another couple, its not the first time he’s cheated, he disappeared again last night I heard, so I’m guessing it won’t be the last time either, though she always forgives him, an to make matters worse, they are talking about having a baby!

Miss E is very insecure, the whole right side of her body, from her chest to below her bum, is badly scarred from when she got burned many years ago, we had a chat at length one night, an she said I was the only one who has ever understood the reason she forgives him, an its that she’s afraid of moving on an finding someone who would except her

My brothers seem to mirror each other a lot, my younger brother, only a couple of days ago, was also drinking, got drunk, an ended up getting into trouble, kicking cars, grabbed a bouncer by the throat, an threatened a chinese take out owner when he refused to give him free food, the police were called an he was arrested, he resisted so much at first, the police had to pepper spray him, with two police men also taking it a bit too far. By punching an kicking him

He was released on bail, an is now on a curfew, an also has to present himself at the local police station every day at six o’clock, I’m also guessing with the charges, that he could be going back to court, he’s only home from prison four weeks, an already this is the situation he’s gotten himself into

He said his reason for drinking, was that his girlfriends mum has said he’s only using her daughter for sex, which let’s be honest wasn’t that serious, so of course he either took it too much to heart, or it was just another excuse to get drunk

They were only together about three weeks before my younger brother got sent to prison, he was away for seven months, though they talked everyday, in that time they only saw each other twice, he’s only been out as I said four weeks on friday past, but the heart wants what the heart wants

I can only imagine what immature plans they are making together when they are alone, I heard she has gotten a 2nd pregnancy test, which I hope will be negative! he’s 23, an she’s only 17, its just crazy to me, I thought it was bad enough when he said he was going to get engaged to her, never mind this pregnancy drama, an only today I heard they had a falling out, an that she tried to cut her wrists last night, an had to be taken to hospital

Both my brothers an a few other people, are still drinking from last night, when sober they are two of the nicest people you could meet, its the alcohol that brings out the bad in them, an gets them into trouble, I’ve never had a problem with alcohol to the extent of it being an addiction, so I can’t put myself in their place to understand why they want an need it so often

My problems aside, I realise how much drama goes on in my life, just in the course of a week

Earlier my aunt called an invited me out for lunch, but I was tired an it was so last minute, I couldn’t be bothered to make the effort, so I’ve just stayed home today, tomorrow my step dad has jury duty, my mum is going along with him, so I’ll be home alone, an I don’t know if I’ll bother going out, time alone could do me the world of good