Taking A Back Seat

As usual, family drama is part an parcel of my life, my younger brother an his girlfriend have split up, her mother gave her an ultimatum, either her or my brother, so its over.. For now at least… He also said she’s pregnant, whether she truly is remains to be seen, so for now his future is unclear where that is concerned

He’s going through a tough time lately, he’s become obsessed that he has cancer, always feeling these ‘lumps’ that he imagines are there, always saying he feels sick, an thinking he looks pale, he’s had countless scans an blood tests, which didn’t show anything, an now he’s waiting on an appointment to have a camera down his throat to check his stomach

I went through that myself, convinced I had cancer years ago, I had every symptom of testicular cancer, but I was too afraid to get checked, after three years, an to the point where I was convinced I was going to die because I had left it too long, an to where the anxiety had pushed me so far over the edge, that I couldn’t eat, or sleep, I finally got examined, an had a scan, thank god it was all clear

Recently he went to see the doctor on call, my step dad took him, an from what he said, the doctor told him he could have HIV!! Though they are going to do tests, I was speechless, I hadn’t heard this before but, one drunken night a friend of his injected him with meth, an I guess if it is hiv, it will be from that dirty needle

And the drama keeps on going… Just days ago my aunt had her living room window smashed, again… She’s trying to find somewhere new to move to (along with my two brothers, an my older brothers girlfriend who also lives with her) although she has been offered amazing places, 2 of which being a newly built house, and the other being a brand new apartment, she turned them down (their dogs being one excuse, stairs, no garden, too many rules about pets etc)

Most people only get 2 offers, she’s already had 5! (Mainly through higher points given from intimidation, trouble that resulted from my brothers ‘enemies’ made while drunk) An now not being happy once again with this fifth offer, she is now going to her solicitor, which I think is wrong, as the housing executive has been more than fair with her, I think its my older brother who mostly seems to have the most say in it all, an always finds a problem

They will all move out of my aunts soon, so it should be viewed as my aunts future home an not theirs

To top it off the weekend, as if the above weren’t enough, both my brothers were drinking for a couple of days, my aunt, mum an I went for lunch on saturday, so my aunt could escape the chaos, she had only two hours sleep, an I felt bad for her, she has to find things to do an go to friends houses to get peace

After we had finished lunch we were waiting outside on our taxi for mum an I to go home, when a man my mum knows came up to us an said my younger brother had started on him as he had walked by my aunts earlier in the day, my brother had asked for a cigarette, I guess he didn’t get one an started hurling abuse, along with fists, the man said my brother was lucky this time, an wants an apology, as if my family hadn’t already gained a bad name with people, they are making new enemies, I’m no angel, but I’m ashamed to be linked to my family sometimes, I guess we get tarred with the same brush, I never bother with anyone, I’m just not that type of person, even when I do drink, I’m happy an fun, sometimes I get emotional an talk too much, but that can be forgiven

I also heard my older brother had a run in with a guy that he’s constantly falling out with, the funny thing is, my brother is mostly civil to him, its the other guy who is rude, which starts an argument, an then always goes to the police for some reason, so now the police want to question my brother supposedly for disorderly conduct, it was reported that my brother hit the guy, in actual fact it was my brother who got hit, its all ridiculous!!

I wonder sometimes will they ever change, or will this become their lives for the future too, as I say, its not the drinking, they could drink everyday if that’s what they really wanted, its who they become while drunk

On another note.. I’ve been doing quite well lately, a few days where controlling my emotions have been difficult, but in general, I’ve been good

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