Dream Journal: Worlds End

Saturday 9th Nov

It was the same world, but like the movie riddick, where the sun was so powerful we had to hide from its light, in the dream I was using cardboard boxes to hide behind

There were limited supplies, an I was getting a dye, so my mum could do her hair, but for some reason I started using it, it was meant to be red, but in the mirror, it was blonde, looking in the mirror I also saw myself as an asian man

Dream Analyses

Oriental ~ For many people the oriental or eastern way of life is seen as being very exotic, dreaming of this may give us access to the part of us which becomes suppressed by the demands of everyday life

The oriental way of life appears to be more gentle and perhaps more intuitive than the western

Sun ~ the sun in dreams suggests warmth and conscious awareness

World ~ the world represents the area of experience in which one lives, and our everyday activities

Dream Journal: Golden Ticket

Thurs 7th Nov

I had a bunch of lottery tickets, I was watching the draw on tv, all the numbers on my tickets came out, although it turned out, it was for the thunder ball, so I had the numbers, just the wrong ticket

Dream Analyses

Money ~ money In dreams does not necessarily represent hard currency, but more the way in which we value ourselves, this symbol appearing in dreams would suggest that we need to assess that value more carefully, an equally to be aware of what we pay for our actions and desires

Into Darkness

Anyone with a mental illness will know that the mind can play tricks an give us false hope, many times I’ll drift off into day dreams, an live in dreams of fantasy, mostly plans for the future that I’ll begin to believe

Walking home from town, all the negative versions of my life were playing over an over in my head, i got very emotional, a big reason is my eating, i’m back on the binge wagon! I’ve suffered from an eating disorder as far back as I can remember

I was always the skinner brother, so its hard to know I’m now the heaviest one, I can’t even wear certain clothes anymore, some of my jeans now cut into my skin, an some tops are becoming too tight, I was making an effort to look better for a while, but I just don’t seem to have the energy lately

It doesn’t help that i take seroquel, maybe not for everyone, but for me, sometimes it leaves me like a zombie, so tired an with barely any energy

My eating disorder is like a scale that swings back and forward, right now its heavily weighing on the excessive side, these days i’m eating up to £15s worth of junk a day, on top of meals, I guess lately I find more happiness in a bar of chocolate or at the bottom of a crisp packet

Its gotten to the point where I’m paranoid about my eating, I’ll go to a different shop sometimes so the people working there won’t see me buying all this junk everyday, an I’ll ask for a bag for life, or the bag to be doubled so people can’t see inside as I walk home

The walk tires me out so much now, I’ve become so unhealthy, my heart beating, an my breathing is heavy, not to mention how warm I get, I’m 6ft 2, so for now I can just about get away with the weight I’m gaining, the longer I go on, the longer it will take to get back to where I’m happy again, but I just can’t seem to stop

I fool myself into thinking I can stop at anytime, but I know its just an excuse to give in to the temptation, at times I’ll feel genuinely happier, but on reflection I’ve just found something else to channel an tap into to make myself feel better

Personally I feel like its beginning to get out of hand, an I’ll have to get some kind of help before it overwhelms me