Unfortunately Myself

Lifes journey in part, is to learn and to grow from our experiences. whether that path is together, or walked alone

So its been two weeks since the new year, an although its still really early, plans aren’t exactly going to plan, over the last while, I’ve been in the midst of my own binge eating hell, my mind is all over the place, I have no energy, and no will for life, food once again has become a comfort for me, I haven’t been taking my medication properly either, so I think that’s in part to blame for how I’m feeling

This year i told myself that I’d be nicer, kinder, and although I was before, things keep pushing me to the edge

I have this horrible feeling inside, I’m finding it hard to be around people, I just don’t feel like I want to be part of the world right now, Its like i can feel the horrible things in the world, the selfishness, the hate, all the badness with none of the good, if I’m honest, I’m quite emotional today, allowing things to drag me down, It doesn’t help that the people around me constantly take me for granted, I’m sick of the selfishness I’m surrounded by, I feel like I give an give, and its all take

My life now, seems like I’m in one room, an everyone else is in another

I have to get away from this house, and this town, I’m drowning in this swamp of a place an I feel like I can’t breathe, my family, if I’m honest, only further poison me against people and life, I feel like I’m slowly dying, inside at least

I shouldn’t change who I am because of other people, no one should, but if we really think about it, its others that change us, we change on how we are treated in life, which sometimes makes us lose who we were, or set out to be, sometimes that’s sad, sometimes that’s just how life is

Only we can make ourselves happy in life, to get what we want, an as bad as it sounds, sometimes by any means possible, if I’m given selfish, I’ll give selfish, give me your time, love, and your kindness, you’ll get it in return, that’s how I’m choosing to move forward, I’ll be what I hate because any other way gets you pushed down, an I won’t be the crap people trod on

I’d love to just start running, and to never look back, but then, there will always be the same kind of people no matter where I ended up, an most importantly, and unfortunately myself

For many people, I’m a question mark, a confusion that people don’t understand, and annoyingly for some, they can’t put me in some box, I don’t know myself, really, who I am, life, like me, is a puzzle in itself

I’ve told myself many times, ‘you need to grow up, and get a life’ we have to be the change we want to see

Sadness is loneliness, where pain is felt, a darkness that will drive us toward the light

Where the same story is told over and over, but in many different ways

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