A Run Of Bad Luck

Its a shame, in life when things finally seem to be going your way, then little things begin to creep in to bring you down again, most people would chalk these little things up to, ‘that’s life’ me, I call it a run of bad luck, i find myself saying lately, ‘give me a break!

So I’m finally over my flu, though I’m still stuck with the cough, which is really annoying, I sound like an old 40 a day smoker, I was eating a sweet the other day an I broke a tooth, the dentist, of course can’t see me for a week, then I was only moving my step dads coat out of the way, an there just happened to be a wasp in the neck line, an I got stung, nothing serious maybe, but its relentless

On a more serious note, the money I was awarded on my claim, I’ve found out i can’t touch, so I’m left confused as what to do now

As I’m on benefits, the money has to go into a trust fund, I have to see a man next week who will explain everything to me, but from what I understand, it goes into a trust, so I don’t lose my benefit, which then means I will have to request money from the trustees, who will decide whether what I want is necessary in regards to my illness, and only then will that amount be released to me

Again I won’t know everything until I see this man, but I think I read that if I appoint a trustee, say my mum, an give her full control over the account, she would be spending the money on my behalf, an so the money is overlooked by the government, its something I’m clinging to

I feel so much pressure, I promised my family money, but giving lump sums away is seen as fraud, as it appears you’re trying to get rid of the money, so I won’t be able to do that now, I’m sure they won’t be too happy about it, the other choice is to sign off benefits, and then I get the money free an clear, this is where it gets complicated for me, an i will have to explain how I feel without sounding bad

Benefits have always been a safety net for me, knowing I’m taken care of, while getting better, or well enough at least to someday hopefully rejoin the real world again, some people might think its easy to claim benefit, maybe for some it is, but for me, the medical appointments, and the constant proving to these people over an over again that you’re let’s say ill enough, takes its toll, I only just got my disability allowance awarded again in may, the anxiety an panic it caused me waiting for their decision was horrible

So this is where I may come off as wrong, I won the money for years of childhood neglect and abuse, the claim case alone took ten years to win, to sign off benefits would mean that my awarded money would be my sole income, for me, having to live on the money kind of defeats its purpose, an would just complicate my life even more in the long run, don’t I deserve to enjoy it, for what I went through? because I’m ill, its like I’m being punished

When the money is gone, I’d have to somehow prove that its been spent, and then go through the process all over again, proving myself to get my benefits back, I know you have to wait at least six months before claiming again, that’s if I’m even allowed to, so now I’m stuck with maybe either being told how and when I can spend the money, or having the money and living off it, am I wrong for thinking this way? The whole thing feels wrong to me

I feel like I’ve been strung along by my solicitor, who never told me about any of this, I had to look it up myself online, I feel like I’ve been used, like I’ve been nothing but a meal ticket, I feel like I’ve been digging myself a hole for the last ten years

In ten years I was never really asked how I was in regards to my illness, when I couldn’t make appointments as I wasn’t feeling well, I had to deal with my solicitors secretaries passive aggressive forms of blackmail, telling me things like, if I was seen as not taking the case seriously, the case could be thrown out

For some it might seem like an easy choice, but it isn’t, for me, its my life

If anyone reading this has advice, or knows anything about this, or legal matters, I’d love to hear from you…

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