Trapped In Panic

No one can really understand panic, unless they’ve been in the grip of it themselves, I only thought I knew what a panic attack was until just lately

Lately i’ve been having strange feelings in my chest, with everything else I worry about, I never really gave my heart much notice, I think finding out about someone I know recently having a stroke and being left paralysed hasn’t helped me from worrying and stressing out about it

I’d been having strange feelings in my chest for quite a while, which started in my lungs, but after a chest x-ray, it showed nothing wrong

As each night past, my symptoms started getting worse, at first it was breathing problems and slight panic, then it become breathlessness and nausea, for a while I thought it couldn’t be panic attacks, because I’d suffered with that before, and this was something different

Eventually with the breathlessness and nausea, it felt like my breath was being taken from me, my heart would beat so fast and uncontrollable, I could feel my chest tighten, a dragging feeling on my heart, an had pains down my left arm, I’ve felt like I was going to either swallow my tongue, throw up or pass out

With my heart beating so fast one night and becoming more worried about having a heart attack, I thought, this is it, whatever is going to happen is about to happen

I ran to my back bedroom window, breathing in the cold air, and listening to the stream nearby seemed to calm me, but every time I returned to my bed, the panic and symptoms kept returning

I spoke to my doctor on the phone, Dr C, she told me it was anxiety and panic, and to try the relaxation techniques I’d been taught, as I said, someone who hasn’t had a panic attack wouldn’t understand what its like, an that relaxation techniques don’t work, when you’re in the middle of having one

Gradually every night, things just kept getting worse, so I was sent for an ecg, which is a heart reading, it was normal, as were my blood tests and blood pressure

I went in to see Dr H today for a further check up, again its been ruled as panic, his amazing advice ‘if you think you’re having a heart attack, come up to the surgery’ I just said that if I was having a heart attack I’d like to think I’d make it in time

I asked for some diazepam, to help me, but he said no, that I should try to relax and maybe watch a dvd!

I told him that I don’t really have anyone I can talk too, my mums going through her own problems, my step dad an I don’t talk, my aunt never listens, and my brothers are always drinking

I must admit, since the ecg, and tests, I haven’t had another panic attack, but when I feel stressed, I do still feel it in my heart, I’ve been referred back to the psychiatrist again, but for now, I guess I’m on my own

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