Inner Monologue

I often wonder if you could read some ones mind, what would they be thinking, what goes through their head, so I decided to do a short post, a window into my mind over the course of going to visit my mum in hospital

It won’t be my best post, because there isn’t that much time to think in certain situations, but I wanted to try something different:

On the way to see mum in hospital, we meet a block in traffic…

why is he (step dad) ringing to say we are held up, we’ve only come to the hold up in traffic, maybe be held up for at least ten minutes, an then ring, he’s only hung up, and the traffic is moving already

In the hospital cafe…

you’re next in the cue, stay calm,

You’ve asked for the coffee now, you’ve done it, that cake looks nice, ask for a piece, no I can’t

Every one else will have something, and you won’t, I don’t need the cake

We are randomly chatting over coffee, mum was told she has cellulite on her side, my step dad was guessing how you get it, I was able to explain how, then my aunt asks the difference between decaf and ordinary…

the difference is pretty obvious, but I like that I know things, I wonder if the people around us are listening, maybe I sound like a know it all

We’re still in the cafe, we are talking about how my brothers are spending their money, and what on, an that they haven’t been paying me…

why does this man behind us keep looking at us, is he listening into our conversation, I don’t feel comfortable, I want to leave now

Leaving cafe, an going for a smoke…

she never listens (aunt) you can’t talk to her, an you can never get a word in cause she never shuts up

Every time mum talks about her time in hospital she always has to bring up the last time she was in, or had a similar test done, we get it, you’ve been in hospital, its always about her

Mum, step dad an aunt are joking an laughing…

its not that funny, but I’ll smile anyway

Back to mums ward…

its a lot busier in here now than other days, so many people around, I don’t like it

I need tissue for my nose, mum shows me where it is…

to get the tissue I’ll have to go beside that other girls bed, an her family are sitting all around it, I can’t do it

every time she’s (aunt) talking, I seem to be typing this post, an then she’s looking at me, wonder if she’s paranoid wondering what I’m doing

when my step dad gets the chance to speak, he really talks doesn’t he, I hate the way he talks about things as though he knows what he’s talking about, when clearly he’s guessing

I can be very negative sometimes

Time to go home….

its sad watching mum walking back to the ward alone, I just want her home again

My step dad stops to get a couple of beers on our way home, he says it helps him sleep…

he drinks everyday, even if its only a couple its still a problem, I don’t see the point in drinking, unless you get a buzz or at least tipsy, its a waste of time

Home to bed, and publishing this post…

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