Some Things Never Change

Its not an easy thing to say, when you tell yourself you can’t stand to be around your family anymore

A few days ago, my younger brother was phoning our house, saying his mental health is the worst its ever been, and that he was suicidal, and having bad thoughts, he said he was going to the hospital and was going to try getting signed in or sectioned

I don’t want to take anything away from him, but my younger brother has a bad habit of lying, and exaggerating things, his girlfriend had said he was in good form all day, until he started drinking

He eventually did go to the hospital, but I knew that with drink in him, he wouldn’t be seen, I also know the hospital usually keeps you there all night an you see the psychiatrist the next morning, having to wait my brother gave up an came home, which makes me wonder how serious he actually was, he blames everything on mental illness, and uses it as emotional blackmail against people

A couple of days, if not the next, my older brother started drinking, lately he’s been drinking by himself as he’s fallen out with everyone that gave him the time of day, so he has no one else to drink with now, he came down to our house, saying he wanted to see mum for a while, but of course he brought the drink with him, an was drinking it like water the whole time, as he got worse he started stumbling an falling into things, demanding I give him hair gel and aftershave, an getting annoyed when I wouldn’t take off my coat to let him try it on, to be honest I could smell his BO, and I didn’t want it rubbing off onto my new coat

As more time past, he could hardly even talk, but my brothers have a habit of putting that on a bit, for no reason he started head-butting our kitchen door, we could hear the wood starting to crack, thankfully it didn’t leave a mark, but we knew it was time for him to go

I phoned him a taxi, he knew I was going into town anyway, so we were going to get the taxi into town together, in the taxi we had only gotten around the corner and my brother was starting to call the taxi driver names and threatening him, thankfully we had to turn back as my brother had forgotten his phone, when we did I got out and said I wasn’t going anymore, that I couldn’t put up with him, I could tell the taxi driver didn’t want to be left alone with him, but I just couldn’t cope with it, I’d had enough

Tonight my younger brother was phoning again, and had been all day, saying his mental health was bad, that’s the way he says it, that he’d been out for a walk and was going to jump of a bridge, mum knew that he sounded funny on the phone, and asked had he been drinking to which he swore on her life he hadn’t been, though it turned out he had, because one of his girlfriends friends had seen him in town with bottles of buckfast, and later in a pub begging people to buy him drinks

He was very rude on the phone to mum, and he had his girlfriend in tears, because I refused to talk to him on the phone, mum said he called me names and threatened to hit me the next time he sees me

Only a couple of days before, he’d been ringing mum saying he was going to change his life, become a christian and start going to church, which I thought was a bit extreme, he was saying that he and my older brother were putting stress on mum and making her ill, an that it wasn’t fair

His girlfriend asked him to leave because of how he was acting an treating her, she’s three months pregnant with his baby, and already has a two year old, she doesn’t need the stress, and her young son doesn’t need to see my brother drunk and abusive all the time, someone had also come to her door, saying that how my brother was acting around the estate wasn’t going to be tolerated, it was a threat more or less

After he had threatened me, the phone calls started again, this time it was for money to get my younger brother a taxi into town, I Just refused, we don’t want him coming around our house drunk, and after how he spoke to me, did he seriously think I’d lend it to him, besides that he owes me money and hasn’t given me anything in weeks

He started saying that our older brother is the only one that cares about him, an no one else does, yet just yesterday he was saying that the only reason our older brother was giving him more attention lately is because he’s about to come into a bit of money

My older brother started ringing then, trying to get the money for our younger brother, I still refused, my brother said if anything happens its my fault, if I had of said yes to lending him money, he would only have come to town an drank with my older brother, who again is drinking himself, how would that do him any good, he needs to grow up, and stop running from his problems all the time, he’s going to be a dad, its time to change, he won’t find what he’s looking for at the bottom of a bottle

Besides that, he brought it on himself, if he hadn’t of drunk, and went to the cinema with his girlfriend like they’d planned, everything would have been ok, we’ve pulled out the phone now to get peace, we don’t need this in our lives

Some might say alcohol is just his way of coping, but without it, he’s nothing like the way I’ve described, its the alcohol that makes him that way

I just want to be left alone, I have my own problems to deal with right now, I have my brain scan on the 7th of august, hopefully it will be all clear, and I can focus more on changing things in my own life for the better


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