Attached To A New Label

It’s been three weeks since I had my brain scan, the results came back and its all clear, I’m so relieved! I only found out a week ago, that’s when I was meant to post this, but kept putting it off

Over the last say three years, there were a few times I did take meth, which I regret, I’d get drunk and take a bit, it was never a habit, just a habit I got into if that makes sense, it was rare but still that’s no excuse, i haven’t touched it since the start of january, and I won’t again! I’m just glad it didn’t do any damage

I’ve had other types of scans and xrays in the past, all again thankfully clear, but this time i had convinced myself that you don’t get this many chances in life, that this time I wouldn’t be so lucky, I just told myself whatever happened, I’d deal with it

On the day of the scan, i decided to go alone, I didn’t really want anyone there who I could talk too, because my nerves were bad enough with my own thoughts

In the waiting area I was getting nervous, and I became very emotional, fear I guess and that finally the day was here, in the scan room the ceiling above had a big lit up picture on it, water, rocks and an overhanging tree bathed in colours of a sunset, you couldn’t see it while going though the scanner anyway, an besides I kept my eyes closed the whole time, all the while breathing heavily, I tried to block out my thoughts, thoughts of all the people who had gone before me, the scan was quick which I was grateful for, and the nurse was really nice which helped also

I asked the nurse could she tell me anything to put my mind at rest, she said she couldn’t as there were over 400 images to look at, but if my symptoms got worse, I could request the results quicker, hearing that didn’t help much

I went to see doctor C a few days after that, I wanted my bloods done to rule out anything else that may be going on, cholesterol etc, she was rude to me as usual, telling me how expensive the tests were, and how people want the tests just for the sake of knowing but don’t change their lifestyle, back to her old self again I thought to myself, I knew I couldn’t open up to her so I left feeling alone in my illness again

Not to be over dramatic, but this has been the worst year of my life, I’m surprised I’ve stayed as stable as I am, mental illness aside, I’ve been ill now for seven months, and its like every part of my body is turning against me, I had another doctors appointment shortly after the last one, this time it was Dr H, he now thinks I may have fibromyalgia, so that may be a new thing I’m labelled with

I looked it up, and it sounds exactly like me lately, symptoms include feeling tired to a degree that normal activities are affected, sleep disturbance, joint stiffness. Some people also report difficulty with swallowing, bowel and bladder abnormalities, numbness, tingling and cognitive dysfunction, fibromyalgia is frequently associated with psychiatric conditions, such as depression and anxiety, it also causes pain in many areas of the body

That aside, I just wanted to share my good news with you


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