Disturbing Behaviour

My mum basically summed up our current lives tonight, my brothers are never going to change, and we are never going to have peace…

Tonight my aunt and older brother had said they were going to get a taxi down to our house for a visit, as we are always the ones having to go to theirs, we knew my brother had had a few drinks, and I literally just thought.. ugh

When their taxi pulled up outside, we could hear arguing, turned out my younger brother had also come in a taxi for a surprise visit, also drunk, as you know he lives out of town now with his girlfriend, no one knew he was coming so how the two taxis arrived at the same time is just one of those strange things that just happens in this family

While I was getting dressed to go downstairs, I could hear them shouting and fighting, I could hear mum shouting too, telling them she didn’t want this in her home, and telling them to get out, my younger brother walked into my room then, with blood dripping from his nose, reaching out to give me a hug with blood all over his hands, I just thought this isn’t normal, I told him not to touch me because I didn’t want blood all over me, while he went to the bathroom to get cleaned up, I went downstairs to see if mum was ok an find out what happened

My younger brother came down shortly after that, and although there was still tension, my two brothers made up an it was as though nothing had happened, mum went upstairs to clean up after my brother, while I was trying to get the dog to come out from under the kitchen table because she was so afraid, I got her to follow me upstairs to the safety of mums room out of the way, where mum was lifting the mats in the bathroom, which were all dripped with blood, there was also blood on the floor and all over the toilet, because of the blood the bathroom smelt of copper, which nearly made me sick

After a while my older brother went up to talk to mum who was now in the bedroom with the dog, the dog was so afraid she pee’d all over mums bed, so mum had to strip the whole bed then

When drunk my brothers talk so much nonsense, mostly about fighting, but they started asking me which one I loved more an things like that, which of course I didn’t answer, my older brother started telling me not to talk to his ex anymore, after five years of them being together we became friends and I’ve stayed in touch, so I’ll do what I want, its my life, he recently went to his solicitor because he wants a DNA test done on their child, of course that stirred things up an I had his ex messaging me on facebook about it, I just said its nothing to do with me, an I’m not getting involved

I feel like I have to pick a side, although his ex an I have remained friends, we aren’t that close, the last time I saw her, she did tell she still loved him, but I also felt her anger, she told me she was going to phone the dog warden on my brother, and about a week later the warden did show up, of course I said nothing, but felt really guilty knowing the truth, I did eventually tell my mum

After a while they eventually left in another taxi to continue drinking together at our aunts, we were just grateful that they were gone an that our step dad wasn’t here, he was out with his son from his previous relationship

Just two weeks ago, mum my step dad an I were out of town, we sometimes go to this casino we are members at, just to get out, an as mum doesn’t like to go out much, that being one of the places she feels comfortable in

All we heard behind us was ‘hello’ we turned to see my younger brother standing behind us, he had been drinking with our older brother and just decided to come all the way to the casino to see us, these surprise visits are becoming a weird habit, of course while drunk

The member of staff that was on that night mistook my younger brother for our older one and told him he was barred, this started him off then, he started threatening the member of staff, and taunting him, my mum and step dad got him into the hall, trying to get him to leave, two men that were there, thinking it was a drunk man harassing a woman went out to fight my brother, though once mum said it was ok and that he was her son they said sorry and went back inside

Things got heated while my step dad was trying to get my brother out, from what I was told he sort of rugby tackled my brother, while my brother was elbowing him on the head, I heard he head butted him too, an that both of them were throwing punches

My step dad who was so hurt by everything, and feeling so ashamed at what had happened in front of all the other regulars at the casino went and sat in the car just wanting to go home, mum feeling the same just told me to get their money so we could just leave

My brother tried to say sorry, but when my step dad refused my brother got angry again, he started offering my step dad out to fight, calling him names and making horrible threats, eventually we left my brother there and went home and haven’t gone back since, they still haven’t spoken since either, and from the way my step dad was talking tonight, he’s still hurt an not ready to deal with it

In under two weeks, my younger brother an his girlfriend are going away to stay in the hilton for a night in belfast, there’s a big funfair on, shopping and bowling in the odyssey, going for dinner etc, they invited me to go, and I said yes, but my brothers already talking about drinking, and I found out tonight he told his girlfriend that it was my idea, I feel bad enough going, you know being a third wheel an hustling in on their night out, but now I’m more worried about what could happen if he gets drunk

I can only imagine what may happen…

I don’t need the stress right now, I can’t handle it, I’ve been feeling ill back and forward all year, its like my body is turning against me, I have a new pain or illness every few weeks and I don’t know how much more I can take, that’s partly why I agreed to go with my brother and his girlfriend because I need some kind of release from this constant hell I’m in

I don’t know how I really feel anymore, I’m so tired all the time I don’t think I even have the energy for emotions, tomorrow I see the doctor yet again, and although I’m always being told its stress and anxiety related, what more can I really do at this point

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